And relax

Finally, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Stronger painkillers, a fantastic night’s sleep – so very, very healing.  I’m not saying that there isn’t any pain any more, but I feel much more able to cope with it.  Normally, I wouldn’t post on Shabbat, but I feel that this is a time to celebrate and look forward and share.  I am going to go swimming after shul, get some exercise and also sit in the jacuzzi to relax my muscles, which have been so very, very tense over the past couple of weeks.  I have an MRI scan on Monday and I’m going to organsie some physio, now that the pain is bearable.

I think I’ve also been tense because I’ve been against the clock on getting my conversion essays finalised in time, plus the piece for the shul newsletter, etc.  All of those tasks are now finished, thankfully, and I can look forward to my date with the Rabbinic Board, the mikveh and my Admission to Judaism ceremony in shul on Shabbat Chanukkah II.  It is all becoming very real.  I am so very, very excited that I can’t quite believe it is happening.  I can also see though that once I’m ‘in’ I will be asked to take on a lot of new responsibilities within the shul, which is going through quite a bit of a change at the moment – lots of new members, changes to the Council and so on.  This is fine, but also quite daunting, as people are going to turn to me for assistance.

True to form of course, I always seem to do everything in my life so that people think I am the font of all knowledge!  Still, there are some fantastic members to turn to if I get out of my depth! And I have the love and support of some wonderful people in my life.  What more could I need?

But you know what? The thing I am truly looking forward to is wrapping myself in my tallit each Shabbat.  Not so long now.

Shabbat Shalom.

[The above image from the website of Claude Riedel, who makes beautiful ner tamids - see here].

Yuck

This blog seems to be more about health issues than enything else at the moment, but I guess that’s where life takes us sometimes.

I am really, really suffering with sciatica still – even after three lots of medication (anti-inflammatories, painkillers, muscle relaxants).  I don’t want mild to moderate pain relief, doctor, I want something that will knock seven bells out of my pinched sciatic nerve so that I can walk upright like homo sapiens was intended and stand on two feet without wanting to scream with pain.  That would be nice.

Agh.  Last night I got *no sleep* at all.  I would get in a position, have about 5 seconds of ‘aaah, that’s better’ and then whoosh!  The pain would start again.  I was in tears – not just quiet whimpering sniffles but body-wracknig sobs, complete with snotty nose and swollen eyes at the sheer agony.  I don’t cry much.  Emotional, yes, but not overly tearful.  But truth be told, my high pain threshold has been well and truly broken.

So of course, I got to 4am and was convinced that I was the only person in the world who is awake and in pain.  Which if course is rubbish.  And then I imagined a whole life of this pain, day in, day out, incessant.  And then the ‘I must be suffering a fatal illness’ story.  You know the score.

I was never so pleased to see the clock click round to 5am so that I could get up, have a shower, get dressed and feel human.

The boiler decided to play up. No shower. Boil the kettle, have a wash down and hope for the best.  (Of course, the boiler decided to behave itself when the engineer turned up, the temperamental so and so).

So, that’s been my day so far.  Oh, yes, and I managed to upset an online blogging friend, which was absolutely not my intention.  I have no excuse.  Yes, I’m under the weather, feeling a little lacking in the eloquence department.  That’s all I have to offer on that score.  I am so sorry.

Not feeling the love, today.

These things are sent to try us…

And yes, I’ve been having a trying time over the past few days.  I’m afraid to say that my memory of the Shabbat service last weekend was over-ridden by the pain I was in as we stood up, sat down, stood up, sat down.  I made it through the entire Amidah standing, but I had to give up for the baby blessing afterwards.  Sciatica strikes again, but much worse than before.  And of course, it has knock on effects – I could feel all the muscles in my back going into spasm as my body tried to compensate and walk, stand and sit in a vaguely comfortable position.

Anyway, here I am on three lots of medication with a fourth one to be collected by my BH later today.  Finally, it all seems to be kicking in a little bit  – hopefully I’ll be able to go back to work tomorrow.

In Jewish news, things are progressing for my conversion at the beginning of December – I am so looking forward to it!

Shabbat Shalom!

And here we are again at the end of the week.  How wonderful!

May all of you have a joyful, peaceful Shabbat.

[Image can be found at the Hillel JUC of Pittsburgh website].

Progress, progress

Following yesterday’s news about my writing assignment, I must admit I was rather over-awed.  Such a huge subject, so few words (300 is my limit) and so little knowledge compared to others.  I almost hit that panic stage of thinking ‘Why me?!’ but then gave myself a metaphorical shake and told myself to get on with it.  It’s an honour, not a burden, woman!

Since my new eating ways started, after the first few days of withdrawal (oh yes, that wasn’t pleasant) I found myself to be much more energetic and mentally alert.  So, I made a start on my writing on the train yesterday morning at 6.30am, and all but finished it this morning on the way to work.  I will revisit it at the weekend (I need to type it up anyway) but I’m fairly sure it’s in good shape.  I would never have considered doing that a few weeks ago – I could manage to read a book, but not create anything of note!

 

More news…

In my excitement at my return, I forgot to mention that last week I was asked if I would like to join the Avodat HaLev (Rites and Practices) Committee at my synagogue, once I have converted.

What an absolute honour.  The Committee is responsible for ensuring everything runs smoothly at the services (with the High Holy Days being the real challenge), determining who will run and take part in services when the rabbi is not involved, helping out newcomers and generally making sure everything works the way it should.  I was so flattered and still can’t quite believe that I would be considered the right person to be a part of that committee.  I will be able to learn so much from the existing members too.

Plus (yes there’s more!), I was asked yesterday to write a specific piece for our December newsletter, the theme of which is the environment… the Editor told me that it was at the rabbi’s request!  How fantastic is that?! It ties in nicely with my conversion timetable, which I am sure is the reason behind it… she’s good like that.

I am so happy.  I wish everyone could feel like this.

Hello once more!

Hi all

Thank you for bearing with me whilst I took some time away.  I literally did my last post on 12th October and left my blog alone, didn’t log in or even look at other people’s blogs until now.

I have been on a bit of a journey, truth be told.  Not a physical one, but a psychological one.  Don’t worry, all is good on my Jewish journey (news forthcoming in a moment), but elsewhere in my life.  I’ve had a few ongoing health issues that have been getting me down recently, so I decided to deal with them.  Surely I didn’t have to spend my life feeling under the weather all the time? No, I didn’t.  It turns out, I have a lactose/casein and gluten intolerance that has been playing havoc with me for years.  So, by cutting out all the dairy, bread, pasta, cereals, biscuits (not that I ate many of them) and so on out of my diet, I have reinvigorated myself.

As well as feeling a whole lote better physically, I have inadvertantly lost a lot of weight without even trying.  All of those foods were causing inflammation all over my body, causing me to retain fat despite a very tough 3 times a week gym workout and lots of walking as well.  And this is where the psychological journey comes in.  I now know that I have no idea what my true body shape is.  Ever since about the age of 16, I’ve been a wide-hipped girl.  I’ve chosen clothes accordingly, to try and minimise the chunkiness of my hips and thighs.  Now, I’m not like that.  In just over 3 weeks I have gone from a size 18 to  10  (US sizes from 16 to 8, European sizes 46 to 38).  I haven’t starved myself (quite the contrary actually!).  It’s just all disappeared!  I have muscles showing which were previously hidden under a layer of fat, and I am slowly realising that I actually look good.  It feels strange and I’m not quite sure how to dress any more.  Previosuly I would walk past clothes that I now think about wearing.

It is obviously a wonderful ‘problem’ to have.  But it is hard to get used to after so many years of essentially trying to make the best of a bad job.  Plus I am getting attention that I never used to get, on a daily basis.

Do I miss any of the food I can no longer eat?  Actually, no.  There are options to eat gluten-free bread and so on, but it is so nutritionally poor compared to the ‘real thing’ that I’m not interested.  I feel so healthy compared to how I was some weeks ago that I will not risk putting myself back into that tired, run-down, achy person that I was.  Besides, when I can eat all the fresh, natural produce available, why would I choose anything else?

Anyway, enough of that.  It’s ongoing and  I assume that at some point I will get used to it (perhaps when I’m 90!).

In Jewish journey news…. my rabbi is just organising my date to meet with the Rabbinic Board.  At the beginning of December, I’ll be there.  I only heard this morning, so I have butterflies in my stomach still.  It’s all getting a bit real now…! Still, it’s what I’ve been waiting for, I am so ready for this!

I think that’s all for now.

 

Oh, no. Apologies to anyone who has been contacting me away from my blog recently.  I know I’ve been a bit distracted and not my usual chatty self.  If I have ignored you, it hasn’t been intentional.

Busy, busy, busy

I think my blog will have to take a back seat for a while.  This doesn’t mean I am any the less committed to my journey (far from it), but I do need to focus on my health and well-being for a while, along with the day to day stuff of life.

Don’t worry – there is nothing wrong, far from it.  Through some health assessments, I have discovered several food intolerances that have been making me unwell for a long time, without me realising it.  So, over the past 10 days, I have cut them out of my diet and feel miraculously well.  I am rather stunned actually – it has positively affected every area of my life – my sleep, my energy, my gym workouts, work, my mood…. I feel like a new person.

So, I need to focus and take time for myself.

Au revoir….

The place that Sukkot forgot…

Or should that be, the place that forgot Sukkot?  To be even more accurate, I didn’t actually forget it, but whilst the spirit was willing, the flesh was oh so weak this weekend, what with the worst cold I’ve had in years sneaking up on me.  So I missed out on building and celebrating, which was a real shame.  I’m very glad I did get to take part in building the sukkah last year, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to imagine the fun everyone had whilst I was sipping yet more honey and hot lemon and swallowing the razor blades in my throat. (“Fun” really, as it was rather windy on Shabbat afternoon!).

Of course, now I’m feeling a little out of touch with everyone and everything after the marathon that was Yom Kippur last week… still, sometimes you just have to listen to your body and rest.

Thank you all for your good wishes, I just have to get rid of the runny nose and I’ll be back to normal!

A tiny hiatus

Whilst I struggle through the next few days with a hellish cold.  Someone spilled razors into my throat last night whilst I was sleeping, which I think is a little rude, don’t you?  This inability to speak may be a blessing in disguise for some, but I also have a cotton-wool head which means any attempt at intelligent writing fails miserably.

I expect to return after Shabbat and the weekend, all being well.  As I’m also on a special eating kick as well for the next 2 weeks, in an attempt to see off a few bodily gremlins, I think I have enough to be dealing with right now.

Look after yourselves…