And so it goes…

The title up above wasn’t meant as some kind of reference to Slughterhouse Five – it just appeared out of my head.  I have read the book by the way…

Well, today has cemented the idea in my head that now is the time for change.  I am not labouring under the illusion that a change in direction will erase all the ignorant, rude, unpleasant people out of my life, but it would mean I had much less chance of this happening.  A simple ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and listening to people when they talk surely cannot be that difficult?

Again, I make reference to Jack – it seems as if we are on the same spooky cyber-linked wavelength – for him Life is too short and in a sense, it is for me too.  I cannot look back and think that I have wasted my life, because I haven’t, actually.  I wouldn’t be living with and living where I am now, if I had trodden a different path – and I happen to love both of those things.  But I cannot continue to do what I do for ever.  So I have done the first thing to make that change.  And who knows, I may end up travelling in a different specific direction.  But the general direction is now quite clear to me. 

So yes, life is too short to keep on doing the same old, same old.  Time for some new.

The crossroad in my life

This post is dedicated to Jack – following his post of a few days ago.  A kind of catalyst, if you will.

Certain events this week have acted as the catalyst for change.  Don’t get me wrong, I have been pondering making a change for a good couple of years, so this isn’t a bolt from the blue.  But being at this precipice of  ‘right, I need to act’ is somewhat scary.

I’m not sure what this has to do with my progression on the Jewish path, other than that things as they are now are hindering my progression.  It’s to do with time – or more appropriately, lack of it.  I don’t get any time to myself.  By the time you cut out work, travelling, chores, I have very little left to do with what I want.  I am hitting a big brick wall in so many areas of my life because time is so short.  I hate doing things half-assed (if you’ll excuse the phrase), but that’s how I feel I’m doing many things right now, including my Judaism. 

I am frustrated, tired, scared.  But I think the time has come to start putting a few things in place – to start the next phase in my life.

Painful reading

I’ve recently started reading Martin Gilbert’s ‘The Holocaust: The Jewish Tragedy’.  It is a really painful read.  It is written excellently, it is so meticulously referenced – and I think this is the problem.  I have found myself shouting inside my head when I read about yet another killing, the setting up of a new ghetto or concentration camp, the fall of another country to the Nazi regime and the willingness in some countries to not just turn a blind eye, but join in the slaughter.  There were people trying to open the world’s eyes to what was going on – and they were, for the most part, ignored.

I am not trying to judge and nor am I fixated with the Holocaust as being the only event in world history that defines the Jewish people.  I am just finding it hard to reconcile everything and, to be honest, take in the sheer scale of it all.

Snow!

So, for the second time of asking since we moved to the seaside, it has snowed!  And when I say snowed, it was on the beach too!  So, no way to get to work and an idle day watching the kids (and big kids!) playing in the park across the road….

Goodness knows what my journey to work will be like this morning… no trains stopping at my destination means I have to use the London Underground… yuck! Wish me luck!