Prayer – Part 2

I am on fire today – all these posts!  It’s amazing what you think about when you’re cycling for 60 miles…. other than focussing on finishing the ride!

So, I thought about prayer, amongst other things.  How to pray, when to pray, what to pray.  I know that under the Orthodox approach, women are not required to pray three times a day, whereas men are. We are, after all, too busy doing all the other things in the home to create the proper atmosphere for bringing up children, to teach them how to be good people and good Jews, to have time to do that. (I do totally respect this approach and I know that there are many, many, many arguments for and against how the Orthodox world works for men and women – I’m not about to debate them because I don’t know enough about it, to be frank.  Although I am learning.).

Anyway, the lack of requirement for women to pray so often does tend to assume that we all live traditional, family lives, where the wife doesn’t work and stays at home to look after the family.  I don’t have a life like that.  I work a full time (very enjoyable) job, with long days.  I am the main bread-winner.  There are no children to nurture.  Despite the busy life I have, I can make plenty of time to pray, as it is more regimented than it would be if children were in the picture.  I can’t go to synagogue three times a day, but I can pray three times a day, I can do more than I do at the moment.  I feel an urge to intersperse my working day with a prayer in the afternoon.

Do you have any suggestions?

Where to pray?  Well, I do say the blessings over food at my work desk, this is fine.  But something longer, that needs no interruptions, where do I do that?  Strange to say, but there is the perfect place.  Our offices are at the dead end of the floor in our building, near to the emergency exits.  Nobody ever goes there, it is calm and peaceful and I can see the sky and keep in touch with nature there. It seems perfect. It’s interesting what you cna make of your surroundings if you need to do so.  I’m sure everyone else just dismisses that space – and I’m glad that this is the case!

As for how to pray – well, I seem to be lucky enough at the moment to be in the right place in myself to switch off from the workaday world very easily.  Close my eyes, a deep breath in and then out, a pause and I am ready.  My soul is ready.  Of course, this will not always be the case, but I hope that the rhythm I am gradully moving into, allowing Judaism to be part of every day and every minute of my life, will help in the tough times.  There is no longer my secular world and my Judaism – they are now all one.  I am living my life Jewishly, all day, every day.

Kavanah

At the Shabbat service this week, one of my favourite people in our congregation turned up for the service.  She has a long way to come, so can’t make it each week, which I think frustrates her enormously.  Anyway, she came and sat with me and chatted about a few things and then the service began.  The leader this week was a lovely man who was brought up in the Ashkenazi way, so his pronunciation of the Hebrew always takes a little getting used to!  He clearly loves his Judaism, is always enthusiastic and writes wonderful stories for us to enjoy before the reading of the Torah.

I noticed something interesting about me and my friend, as we progressed through the Daily Prayer – we were both swaying from side to side with the melodies and the rhythm of the spoken Hebrew.  I had never done it before, and I am pretty sure she hadn’t either.  I found that it helped me get into the feeling of everything, to daven with intention.  I often feel my skin prickle when we sing – I love the passion and feeling that the melodies impart and I have always responded like that to any music that ‘gets’ me, if you see what I mean.  But this spontaneous gentle swaying from side to side – it was comforting and uplifting to feel myself respond to the words, the meaning and just the sound of the Hebrew as it rolled out of my heart and into the sanctuary.

We also did something different to end the service – instead of Adon Olam, we sang Shalom Aleichem, which I love, especially to this tune.  It made a beautful change.

On returning safely from a long journey

Yesterday, I took part in a 60 mile charity bike ride around the countryside of Sussex.  This county is very hilly, the countryside is beautiful, with little villages nestling in the hillsides. It was a glorious day, but extremely hot!  Luckily, the last 5 miles were all downhill and I could see the sea laid out before me, with brilliant white sailing boats out in the distance.  It was very hard work, but I would do it again  – the fun everyone had, the sense of support and cameraderie was wonderfully uplifting.  If someone felt completely worn out, other people encouraged them.  Suddenly, new biking-buddies were made and everyone helped each other make it to the end, patched up the odd wound, helped mend punctures, put chains back on and shared food and water.

The main organiser of the event was a Jewish charity, so this explained why I met three kippot-wearing gentlemen in the middle of the typical, roses round the door English countryside! It was just what I needed before the last bike climb to the highest point of the ride (9 miles from the end!).  I felt driven to recite the Shema to myself before setting off up the deadly climb.  How much closer to G-d can you get than out in middle of His nature?

Anyway, as I freewheeled down to the green and purple balloon arch that marked the finish, with all the crowds cheering and clapping, I tried to remember the prayer for after a journey that I had seen in my Siddur the night before.  I couldn’t quite get it all, but the essence was there, which is the main thing.

I thank you, Eternal G-d, that You have been with me on my journey and enabled me to return safely.  Help me to make good use of what I have experienced, enjoyed and achieved on my travels as I rededicate myself to Your service.  Baruh Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Haolam, Gomel Chamel Chasadim Tovim.

A very apt prayer, all things considered!  I’m now off to see to my sunburn (even after Factor 40 sunblock!) and get a sports massage.

Ilana Davita’s Mesorah Project

Ilana Davita has very kindly posted my submission to her Mesorah Project here – please do take a look!  You can also still submit your own thoughts to her – please take a look at her original post on the subject for details.  I think it is a wonderful idea (and I would have still written that if I hadn’t had a contribution published! ).

So, why the increase?

First off, please forgive the Shabbat posting.  This weekend is going to be very busy and tomorrow I won’t have time to write in the morning, or probably have the energy to do anything other than lie down in a darkened room in the afternoon and evening.  A 60 mile charity bike ride, with a killer hill at the end – nice!  I also see it’s going to be hot and humid – the two most energy sapping combinations I can imagine!  To coin a phrase – oy!

Anyway, I noticed this morning that my blog has been getting increasing numbers of daily visits over the past 10 days or so.  I wonder why?  Last time I got a really big spike was when I posted about Jerry Springer – it still gets the most clicks!  My most active post right now is the one on Prayer, followed by the one on Shul, Synagogue or Temple.  Other ones on the list have a similarly obvious faith/religion theme in their title, with the exception of my Fit to burst post, but that has a link to an article on the Simple To Remember website, so maybe that accounts for that post’s popularity?

I can only think that there are lots of Jewish people out there in the cyber world (or at least those that are curious).  You people who visit and post regularly can’t be making my ‘popularity’ spike on your own, can you? So, come on hidden people, make yourselves known!  The top searches at least indicate that somwhere out there, I am being searhced for specifically – here they come, the terms used to reach me:

cheesecake

shavua tov

shavoua tov blog rachel

shavua mean in hebrew

good shabbos

Hello?! ‘Shavoua Tov Blog Rachel‘ People are looking for me?! How exciting! Although on a different note, I wonder if the people who type in ‘cheesecake’ truly expect to get to a blog about someone kvetching and kvelling about their daily Jew-ish life!

Well, time to get moving, get showered, eat breakfast, get dressed, go to shul and thank G-d for getting to Shabbat, safe and sound and healthy in mind, body and spirit.  I will also say a special something for Jew Wishes and her family, for the miracle of her new grandson, Logan Shane, born this week.

Shabbat Shalom or Good Shabbos to you all!

Shabbat, at last

Shabbat Shalom to you all.

I have probably never been quite so pleased to know that soon, Shabbat will be upon us.  I am absolutely mentally exhausted, yet at the same time, energised.  If this sounds like a bit of an oxymoron, well, yes it is (and no it isn’t).

This week, I have studied more, pondered more, prayed more than in any other weekly period I can remember.  Monday night started off with Hebrew study with my friend – using the Siddur as our workbook.  This was a late, late night (doesn’t time fly), but it was great, because we lost our shyness about speaking out loud on our own, rather than in the sanctuary along with many other people, which is easier.  Easier from a confidence point of view and also easier to hide your mistakes and consequently, keep on making them!  We had a little chuckle about his pronunciation (he was brought up learning Ashkenazi-style) compared to mine (learning Sephardi-style) but we both recognised improvements by the end of the night.

This really spurred me on to continue doing the same on my train journey to work – which has evoked some curious stares.  Anyone that has noticed is probably wondering why I’m talking to myself – but daren’t ask!  If anyone got close enough, they would here a low-toned voice, but not know the words.  Yes, I am talking out loud in a public space.  It’s kind of freeing in a way – nobody actually cares.  So, I’ll carry on with that.  In just a week, my Kaddish (which I always found intensely difficult) has improved immensely.  We’ll see tomorrow, if the results stay with me.

And no, don’t worry – my train journey home isn’t wasted either.  I’m reading Everyman’s Talmud by Abraham Cohen as my knowledge in that area is very, very minimal.  It is a wonderful book and a great way in to getting to grips with the Talmud itself. 

I mentioned yesterday that my level of observance was increasing.  This of itself (let alone the rest of the changes I’ve already mentioned) has probably been the biggest factor in my exhaustion levels.  And no, this isn’t anything to do with the energy required of me to be more observant - it’s more about what happens inside my head because of this change.  I’ve said it before, probably, but I wasn’t brought up to be religious in any way.  It was all about morals, ethics and social responsibility based on an atheist and humanist approach.  So I have spent more of my life treading that path, than a religious one.  It makes my brain ache, trying to reconcile the two parts of my life that first overlapped and have now become clearly marked as separate, like a line in the sand.

I’m not going to hide the fact that initially, my internal jury was out regarding G-d.  Some days I felt He existed and some days I felt He didn’t exist and yet other days, I just wasn’t sure.  I was treading the Jewish path for family history reasons, for cultural reasons, for belonging to a community reasons for some internal ‘pull’ that I couldn’t shake off.  In short, any other reason than G-d.  And yes, I have been reading Torah, going to services, classes, learning Hebrew, with all that going on inside.  But it felt OK, because I knew that I was not the only one, by a long way, that had this approach – and I’m including born-Jews in this too, by the way.

So, something has changed.  I can’t pinpoint exactly when and I certainly don’t know why.  Nothing calamitous has happened that has required me to search for Him, I didn’t have a sudden revelatory moment involving white light and choirs of angels (but that would have been lovely!).  Over the past little while, I have come to realise that He has been there all along.  I can talk to Him and I don’t feel like I’m talking to empty space (I have tried talking to Him ‘before’ and just felt silly, to be honest).  I feel as if I am being listened to, considered and held safe by Him.  Which encourages me to talk more.  And when I write ‘talk’ I do mean talk as if I am having a conversation with Him in my head, as well as daily prayers, plus additional blessings wherever they are appropriate and required.

I have never felt more alive.  And I hope you will understand why I am also so very tired.  There’s a lot going on with me and processing it is quite some task. 

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheynu melech ha’olam shecheyanu v’kiy’manu v’higyanu lazman hazeh.

Prayer

What prayers do you say each day? 

It’s not a competition to see who does the most, I am just (as ever) curious.  Plus, you don’t actually have to answer me – this isn’t an examination, after all!

Let’s just say that my observance is increasing by a notch or two and I feel the need to speak to G-d a little more than I have done, so far.  I tend to say Modeh Ani and the Shema in the morning (my Hebrew reading skills have improved so much by doing that!) and then the Bedtime Shema in the evening. 

So, how do you do it?  Or do you not pray formally, but keep Him with you throughout the day?  I know somebody who talks to their deities almost as if they are having a conversation, inside their head, throughout the day (needless to say, they aren’t Jewish, hence the plural ‘deities’).  I must say, I kind of do the same… I often find the lines of the Shema floating through my mind at the most odd moments…!

(I realise that this could be an intensely personal question.  It’s not meant to be rude, judgemental or in any way offensive.  I hope it isn’t taken as such).

Thank you for answering, if you choose to do so.

Faith, spirituality, change

It feels as if I haven’t posted for a very long time, but time has this habit of expanding and contracting alarmingly, depending upon what your days are like.

I am having a challenging time.  In a good way, but it is really tough.  Not a crisis of faith as such, more the situation that my spiritual journey seems to be taking me places I wasn’t quite expecting on my Jewish journey.

Yes, that sounds suitably mysterious and in a way, it feels mysterious to me.  And in other ways, as if the scales have fallen from my eyes and alles ist klar. 

As soon as I am a bit more centred, I may write about where my head and heart are.  I leave you with this – it feels appropriate to me for the things I am experiencing:

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheynu melech ha’olam shecheyanu v’kiy’manu v’higyanu lazman hazeh.

Shul, Synagogue or Temple?

Which word do you use about your house of prayer and assembly?  And why?  Or do you use the words interchangeably, sometimes flitting from one to the other without reason?  I started off by using synagogue, and now find myself using shul.  Never temple though.

[The above image is Issachar ber Ryback's 'In Shul'].

Fit to burst!

I don’t know what has happened to me over the past few days.  I am suddenly bursting with information I want to share, things I want to discuss, an inner ‘pizazz’ I have never felt before.  I use the pword ‘pizazz’ because I am having a hard time trying to describe what’s going on with me.

For example, I spent a good few hours yesterday putting down on paper a first draft of one of my conversion essays ‘What Being Jewish Means To Me’.  Really – this is just the most easy/difficult, pleasurable/painful thing I have started in a long time.  I am looking back at my past ‘almost year’ and I can pinpoint highs and lows, joy and frustration sprinkled throughout the entire time.  It’s funny, I love writing, creating, putting words on the page, but sometimes, if you don’t do it for a while, it is really very hard to get back into the flow once more.  In the alternative, if you write a great deal, it then becomes very hard indeed to stop!  Needless to say, I am in the latter frame of mind right now.  This essay can be ‘as long as you like’ (Rabbi’s words!) – I’m not sure if the fact that it is already 15 A4 pages long and not more than half-way complete is good or not!

Tonight I am visiting my friend, to practice our Hebrew.  There is something very intimidating about speaking a foreign language out loud and hearing your own voice, when you are not part of a group, singing or speaking at the same time.  I am sure it will be an interesting evening!

Finally, something of interest I found on the internet, after being pointed in the direction of another article, by a new friend.  One person’s interpretation of the different branches of Judaism.  What do you think?

Simple to Remember: Different Sects of Judaism